When thinking of all the things that could go wrong on your next vacation, you might not have considered what to do if someone special at home dies while you are away. I’m here to ruin that for you by bringing up this sad, sensitive yet sensible topic.
It was just after 3:30 AM, and I’d awoken with a start. I blamed the courtyard-style Cusco hotel and the excitement of the day. I’d spent it at my #1 Life Travel Destination, Machu Picchu in Peru, and it was everything I’d hoped it would be. Then I blamed Ricardo, a drunken Lima boy who was knocking on my door six hours later than when he said he’d stop by. Once I got rid of him and his pisco-sour inspired antics, I fell back asleep. My bus to Lake Titicaca left a few hours later, so I needed the rest.
By 7:30 AM, we were near the town of Andahuaylilas, an hour or so into the trip through the Andes, when my cell rang. I didn’t even realize it at first. I’d only rented the phone in case I had to call out in an emergency. I hadn’t really expected to receive calls. And the last one I expected to receive was one with crushing news: my dear grandfather had passed away early that morning, within moments of when I inexplicably awoke in the night. My heart still aches to think of my grandpa and to relive that moment when I learned he was gone.
I share this experience because it raised a lot of points I hadn’t previously considered.
Stay or Go Home
I wouldn’t hold it against anyone for choosing to stay. Depending on trip length, purpose and costs, coming home for a funeral simply isn’t always the right choice.
This is a time to listen first to your heart – mine said, “Get home immediately.” My grandfather is extremely significant in my world. I wanted to be with my family. Honestly, I also didn’t think I would have fun if I continued the trip, or if I did have fun, I would have felt really guilty about it. In retrospect, I could have stayed for a few more days, completed the rest of my Peruvian tour, and still made it back in time to get to my grandfather’s funeral, but I don’t hold against myself my decision to cut the trip slightly short.
And what about when you know that the deceased would have preferred for you to keep traveling? Or when there’s really nothing you can do to at home any more than you could do from afar? Or when you don’t even usually go to funerals so why fly back for one? In addition to the fact that you have probably paid thousands of dollars and rescheduled your life to be on this trip, it might be the right choice to continue traveling.
Travel Insurance
Besides the emotional aspect of this tough situation, it may be a financial one. If you are on a really tight budget and the deceased isn’t an immediate family member, a short-notice plane ticket might cost you more than the entire trip. This was my first time in South America and my first solo trip, so I had no experience. Luckily, I had purchased travel insurance, which may cover unforeseen costs such as airfare change fees if you need to go back earlier or fly to an alternate location. It may even cover fees if your travel companion (if you have one) has a sudden family death. Don’t forget about lodging cancelation fees and attraction tickets also when analyzing the cost-benefit of travel insurance in case of this kind of emergency. The airline may also be understanding depending on the relation. For my situation, the airline refunded the change fee and the travel insurance covered ground transport and lodging. Not having to worry about financials was a relief in this sad time.
Safety
Will changing your trip put you in danger? Depending on where you are and how far away the next transit hub is, leaving a group or your travel companions might mean you are traveling truly solo, something that some travelers really aren’t prepared for. Because I parted ways from the relatively luxurious tour bus when I found out about my grandfather, I had to find a way to get back to Cusco on my own. That way involved hitching a ride with an elderly female cabbie, a 30ish man in the backseat and a rooster in the hatchback trunk.
As we sped through the Andes Mountains and my cab-panions chatted in a dialect I couldn’t come close to understanding, I couldn’t help thinking how my grandfather would be so angry with me for being in this cab that he’d probably refuse to talk to me if he were still around. For some travelers, this is the stuff of life! For other travelers, it would have been unthinkable and terrifying. I’ve done plenty of wilder things but at the time, it was the sketchiest solo travel experience I’ve had.
That aside, you have to consider the ramifications on your route if you depart from a trip early for such emergencies especially if you’re reliant on public transit as we solo budget travelers often are. I managed to get back to Cusco in record time and got a last-minute ticket to Lima, just to be stressed because that flight was delayed. All THAT stress didn’t matter because the only flights from Lima to the U.S. would not be departing until much later that evening. At the very least, I could have spent the day seeing a bit more of Lima instead of sitting in the airport. Not because I didn’t care about my grandfather’s death, but because I care about seeing the world. Having someone close pass away is a really obvious reminder of that. It is oddly poetic to be living your Bucket List as someone is dying, but that is all the more reason why you should be living yours right now.
My final lesson in this topic is one that we can live every day, whether or not you even have a passport. Make sure the people you love know it, and tell them why you love them. Say heartfelt and kind goodbyes. Ironically, my grandfather had no idea that I was in South America. I hadn’t even told him I was on the trip because I knew he wouldn’t understand why I was taking it alone, and I didn’t want it to start a fight between us. I’m quite certain that he’d had said something like, “Women who travel alone are asking for trouble!” and then I would have been annoyed, he’d be mad, and what I now know as our last conversation would have been terse if not angry. Instead, I called him right before I left, and I know that our last conversation was a sweet one. For all the discomfort of the experience of ending my Peruvian trip early because my grandpa died, the comfort of recalling our final loving words is immense.
Your voice matters!