There was a time when I’d walk to Winnemucca, hula-hoop through Honduras and kayak to Kenya to find The One. Globe-trotting romances are often fleeting, but they can still enhance your own world. Whether you’re packing a bag right now or just dreaming of international budget travel, here is a sampling of men you’ll meet while making tracks across the world as a backpacker and the lessons they may inadvertently teach.
1. The Guardian Angel – This guy helps you when you really need it, whether as a dinner buddy, navigator or body guard. He might genuinely be a kind person. He might genuinely deserve a chance if he asks to see you again. Or he might memorize your PIN after he walked you to the ATM or offer to carry your pack so he can run away with it. Be open to the kindness of fellow travelers and helpful locals, but keep your guard up to even the friendliest.
2. The Genius – Winning every round of “Obscure Country Capitals” or conversing in three languages, this guy really impresses with his knowledge. You feel like an idiot and lament your own country’s education system. Don’t. Yeah, he might be brilliant – or he might just have a great memory and lots of time to read Wikipedia on cross-continent buses. Instead of feeling dumb, be inspired to learn like crazy from this trip. Brush up on a country or city before you visit. Geography, leadership and economy make for quick facts that are useful on the ground and in hostel drinking games (even if you’re just drinking water).
3. The One With Nothing Nice to Say About Your Country – This is a spin on the classic manipulation technique in which the guy is insolent to make you think he’s a rousing challenge. He’s not. He’s an insecure egoist just like any guy who uses this technique. Know when to patriotically stand up against xenophobic insults, and when to walk away before it ruins your night or gets you in a scuffle involving la policia. Don’t let this jingoistic jerk turn you into one too.
4. The Guitar Player – He’s probably not carrying an instrument because that’s tough when traveling light, but many hostels have collections. You’ll be walking through the common area for dinner and suddenly, it’s a full-on “Mr. Jones” sing-along with a seven-piece band of hungry strummers and drummers. This kind of spontaneous music-making is unlikely in a typical hotel lobby. It’s a great time to pick up that ukulele or just join in the chorus. I usually only sing in the solitude of my car, but so what if these guys notice that I’m tone-deaf? “…We’re gonna be big stars…” might become one of your fondest memories and might inspire you to learn a few chords for next time.
5. The Guy Who Doesn’t Speak Your Language – A simple “yes, yes, yes!” sounds pretty great in any language. But it takes more than a few minutes to illustrate if someone really speaks your language. I once expected that a language barrier would help a romance, like, rather than arguing, we’d just French kiss constantly since love is the universal language. This might be true about love, but the universal language of travel lust needs a much stronger translation.
6. The To-Do Lister – Competitions for sleeping with people from as many countries as possible put a new perspective on the idea of a “To-Do List.” Others might have a “whoever bags the most chicks in Italy gets free drinks for a week” kind of challenge among traveling friends. Once you’re checked off the list, he’ll hop the border. Maybe you can check a nationality off your own list too – or maybe you’ll reevaluate the list of qualities you’d like to have in a long-term partner.
7. The Guy Who Pukes on You – The final night of my Euro-trip, I awoke around 4:00 AM to a lanky lad stumbling into our co-ed dorm in Warsaw, Poland. “You’re nice and pretty, can I kiss you?” he asked, leaning close to my face on the top bunk. I thanked him but declined, and he promptly passed out as he was obviously quite drunk and/or high. About 30 minutes later, his heavy breathing turned into choking sounds. I hopped out of bed as quickly as climbing down a ladder allowed and tried to roll him onto his side so he wouldn’t drown in his own vomit. Neither the bedsheets nor my arms were spared the deluge. It was exactly what I needed to be grateful instead of rueful for the end of the Euro-trip.
8. The Guy Back Home – Is he attracted to your sense of adventure or just those bikini pics from the Amalfi Coast? He texts, “I miss you,” even though you explained that the price to reply is practically worth a beer in Bratislava. You’ll be so busy sight-seeing and deciphering train schedules that it’s easy to dismiss this kind of trans-Atlantic attention for the “who’s here-and-now” of travel life. But maybe your absence has helped The Guy Back Home realize how much he truly does miss you. And maybe you’ll realize, after all this fun and freedom, how much you truly miss him too. The Guy Back Home might be The Guy Worth Coming Home For*.
These guys will enrich your world view and dating perspectives. And maybe, sure, a one night stand in Amsterdam could lead to a lifelong romance. But just like dating domestically, that kind of pressure on yourself will embezzle the fun faster than foreign transaction fees do from your bank account. Whether at home or abroad, just be present in the experience. Don’t lose your faith in finding The One if that’s what you believe in, but don’t expect to find that he’s your bunkmate in Budapest, and don’t rely on anyone else to make this the trip of a lifetime. You are in charge of your passport, and you are in charge of your happiness.
*My Guy Worth Coming Home For was more of a boy really, in this case — a brand new baby boy. My nephew was born as I went through security for the final return flight of my Eurotrip, and I can’t think of a better reason or sweeter little fellow.
Your voice matters!